The Old Physician

The Old Guitarist, by Pablo Picasso

The old physician has been around the block longer than you’ve been alive.

The old physician is frustrated by electronic medical record systems because he is a two-finger typist.

The old physician immediately recognizes that rash…and scrapes it off herself, prepares it in KOH prep, and sees hyphae under the light microscope in her office before you’ve figured out how to order the appropriate test in Epic.

The old physician has had the same secretary for the past thirty years.

The old physician falls asleep during noon conference.

The old physician remembers that unusual presentation of multiple myeloma from back in 1988 when you weren’t even a pre-teen and were probably playing the original Nintendo.

The old physician has sternoclavicular osteoarthritis from years of holding X-rays up to the light.

The old physician wrote the original paper on that cool diagnosis you just made.

The old physician actually invented/improved that procedure/device you just performed/implanted.

The old physician had a retinal detachment but returned to work the next day.

The old physician thinks several levels deeper than you along that diagnostic tree.

The old physician has seen a few unusual presentations like this one before.

The old physician doesn’t trust computers.

The old physician is a local celebrity in certain remote parts of the world for his medical mission work.

The old physician can rule out almost any disease by looking at a urinalysis.  Why didn’t you order a urinalysis?

The old physician practically built this division or hospital up with his bare hands.

The old physician goes by his first name only with other old physicians.

The old physician misses the days when the giants roamed the halls.

The old physician remembers what this disease used to be called.

The old physician doesn’t take vacation.

The old physician is a little upset that she’s back to working full-time after the stock market crashed.

The old physician doesn’t need labwork or X-rays to make that diagnosis.

The old physician’s car was parked in the hospital garage when you showed up this morning and was still there when you left this evening.

The old physician has been seeing this patient in clinic since before you were conceived.

The old physician is beyond anyone’s comprehension.

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